In 2018, my life as a police officer crumbled, and I found myself grappling with suicidal thoughts, ensnared in a system that failed to address the core question:

Why do I feel this way?

This period of profound darkness was punctuated by a stark realisation: no one was coming to save me. Abandoned by my profession, the healthcare system, and to some extent, my own family, I confronted the harsh truth that in times of crisis, the support structures we rely on can falter, leaving us to navigate our turmoil alone.

The journey through such desolation taught me a crucial lesson about human nature and support systems. It's not that people deliberately choose to abandon us; rather, it's that in the face of another's suffering, they are often at a loss, equipped with good intentions but lacking the tools to truly help. This is particularly true for those closest to us, who, despite their love and best efforts, may inadvertently contribute to our pain due to their lack of expertise in dealing with mental health crises.

The Cost of Charity and Good Will

In my quest for healing, I encountered the prevalent culture of 'toxic empathy' within free support groups, where the line between helping and over-identifying with others' pain becomes blurred, leading to a cycle of shared suffering rather than recovery. This environment, though well-intentioned, lacked the transformative solutions I desperately sought. I realised that relying on free or paid external support for a 'magic bullet' was futile; the answers lay within me, waiting to be discovered and acted upon, but I needed a key.

Embarking on this path of self-discovery and responsibility was no small feat. It required a clear vision of what I wanted to achieve, an understanding of why it was important to me, and the courage to uphold my values and beliefs in the face of adversity. Communication of my needs became paramount, as did the creation of an environment conducive to introspection and understanding the interplay between my internal and external worlds.

One of the most profound insights from this journey is the recognition that while self-reliance is essential, true transformation is rarely a solitary endeavor. Every individual leading a fulfilled life, particularly those who have overcome significant trauma, has done so with a mentor or coach, who has a key — not the kind that unlocks a world  to rescue or pity, but one that supports, empowers and aligns with one's personal journey toward healing and purpose.

Without doubt though the biggest challenge has been finding those who can truly help, as opposed to those who offer a quick fix and once they have taken your money only offer to recycle information that they have purchased.

True transformation does not come from information, it comes from a deep inner knowing, working with someone who will help create an enviroment of safety and self discovery.

Most don't fear investing, they fear investing without change. Our reliability on believing others have all the answers and that some magic pill, formula or magic wand will make all the hurt go away is nonsense.

Making the choice to take full responsibility for your life is the key, to embrace failure as a stepping stone to success, and to seek out support that resonated with your unique needs will mark the beginning of a new chapter.

For me these profound insights came at a high cost — financially, emotionally, and relationally — but the investment in my well-being and the opportunity to guide others toward recognising their inner strength has rendered every sacrifice worthwhile.

The question is however are you willing to sacrifice the little time you have on this planet or will you take the first step to freedom, I have taken many of the risks, so you or someone you know doesn't have to. My clients stories speak for themselves and they have gained amazing success in their lives because of one pivitol decision and that was to take responsibility and take that first step.

My message to anyone yearning for change is this: You are not alone, nor are you meant to walk this path unaided.

The key lies in choosing to be the architect of your own life, finding the right kind of support, and embracing the journey, with all its trials and triumphs. By sharing my story, I hope to light a path for others out of the darkness, proving that even in our most isolated moments, connection, growth, and healing are within reach.

The next step on your journey is easier than you think