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When Feeling Anxious becomes Anxiety
Marcus Matthews • 1 September 2020
Most people wait until they are forced to seek help
I am going to let you into a secret. My own struggles with anxiety were never realised until my mind and body forced me down a path I was unwilling to go.
You don't go from feeling amazing and free to feeling the symptoms of stress and anxiety over night. Like poison dripping into a lake over time, it is only when the fish are gone and the lake is left dead and dying do we ask the question WHY?
You see you aren't born with anxiety, depression or in fact anything other than the will to live, survive and up to the age of around 8 we absorb our environment taking it as read, this is what life looks like. We learn this from family, friends, teachers and our environmental experiences.
After 8 we often start to look outside the tribe to seek purpose, fulfillment, to explore and try new things.
During this period we will often feel stress and anxiousness as we gain independence, questioning our own values and that of others. We create feelings as markers and then attach stories as a reference to justify them. How we are taught to de-code those experiences is often the difference between those who thrive and those who survive.
But when does that manifest into true anxiety?
We create a belief system that we are different, not good enough and that our story has been written and we will never escape, and why is it that we don't believe that story can change?
Well we are all different and the way we react and act is going to be influenced by what we believe about ourselves and the world, but based on what?
The image top right is taken from an article by my mentor Marisa Peer about Stress and Anxiety in Children.
https://marisapeer.com/stress-and-anxiety-in-children/
But I want you to consider that actual stress, anxiety, depression, illness, whatever label you want to attach are all based on our own inner child's reaction to the stories we tell ourselves everyday.
So consider are your thoughts yours now, or are they the voice of a small child trapped in a moment?
I am not going to give you tips and tricks about coping and managing anxiety because I would prefer to allow you to think about this feeling in a different way.
If you have ever suffered with any type of anxiety, self doubt, lack of confidence and self esteem issue, where did that feeling first manifest?
If you took time you may well be able to pin point a moment, event, a trigger if you will.
Then I want you to consider how damaging that label has become and how you are given coping and managing techniques.
But also seek the evidence, because you weren't born feeling that way, so maybe that event was not the root cause at all.
NHS Do's for Stress
There is so much good work that goes into helping people, but look at the words of influence above from the people who are the experts, look at the words your inner child is locking onto.
Try, find out, use, plan, consider, listen.
All logical processes used to help reduce, cope and manage a feeling.
That feeling is not logical, it is emotional, irrational, subconscious. It is an emotion created long ago.
What advice would you give a 4 year old, I am guessing a coping strategy wouldn't be number one on the list.
If the root of your feelings were planted at 4, your subconscious beliefs, grounded in your mind at 6 and then those thoughts embedded until you were 45, no wonder you can't think, talk and create a strategy to feel free.
It is well documented that when our fight, flight or freeze response kicks in, logical communication decreases as the cloud of doubt descends in the form of cortisol.
These techniques, including breathing and medication only give a temporary reprieve and are fine when we feel anxious, but when that turns into anxiety we stand at a cross roads, one in which we either accept a label or we hide, hoping the world won't see us.
So consider this...................
If you did get help, do you want a label or do you want to feel free once more?
Do you want someone to give you a coping strategy and a kind ear to release that pain or an understanding of where that journey started and the tools to free yourself?
Why not consider getting to the root cause, the scene place event and time when that inner child changed and reverse the feeling with the knowledge you now have as an adult.
Consider that in 21 days or less you could start on a journey back to you.
Then consider getting in touch?
Your choice, Your Life, Your Dreams, Your Time.
A few months ago, I came into the possession of two profound experiences that forever changed the way I view life, faith, and personal growth. These revelations helped me break free from limiting beliefs and pointed me toward a path of greater clarity and empowerment. Today, I’d like to share these insights with you, not as an expert, but as someone who has walked through the maze of doubt and found a clearer way forward, one which allows you to feel more at peace.
What does God, The Law of Attraction and Success have in common? In this blog I discuss a profound insight which came from a conversation about God, Religion and Church. As part of my own spiritual journey I have started to discover The Bible and God, after a 44 year absence. This time with a wiser head I still had the same question I did when I was 6 years old - Why Do I Need To Go To Church? At a service about 6 months ago a Pastor said of Matthew 18:20, “ For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them,” he was emphasising the profound importance of community in the Church and this was the place to find God - I still wasn't convinced. Although I understood this, I have never felt God's presence in church and further reading, the truth of this verse is that it emphasises the profound importance of community and connection not just the church. It reminds believers that Christ’s presence is not confined to large congregations or grand buildings but is found wherever people come together in His name—whether in worship, prayer, fellowship or more importantly service. This verse assures us that even the smallest gatherings are sacred spaces where Christ works to guide, strengthen, and unify His followers. But Wait...... This is when it hit me, and in this article I want to discuss how this verse may have been hijacked by the church because this same principle is also discussed in books Like Think and Grow Rich, and runs through many other practices when it comes to finding success or as I like to call it inner peace. This is why connection to a divine purpose, be that from a spiritual, personal or business perspective is all about aligning with those who serve others to improve humanity not those who wish to take your divine energy.
This video was from a Keynote talk on the 16th November 2024 at The Mecure Hotel Abbotswell Chester
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Have you ever felt invisible, as if your love and light were too much for the world to handle? If you've struggled with loneliness, self-doubt, or feeling unappreciated, you're not alone. In this blog, I share my journey through these emotions, offering a message of hope and courage for those who have been to the darkest places. Together, let’s explore how embracing your light—even when it feels unseen—can lead to a deeper purpose. You are not alone.
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6 years ago this month my life took a dramatic turn and in this blog I want to explain from a mans perspective why we need to give men purpose
The Power of Now: How the Present Shapes the Future and Why Understanding the Past Can Transform Today As I sat down for a Sunday meal with my family, surrounded by the familiar warmth of loved ones, I had no idea that a simple conversation would unlock a profound insight into my own wellbeing journey. The discussion veered into our family history, where I discovered that my Great Grandmother had suffered from severe mental health issues and was subjected to Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT). This revelation sparked a cascade of thoughts, leading me to reflect on how the past, even events from generations ago, shapes our present reality and how understanding this connection can empower us to change our future and how we can either change the course of history for good or we can continue that trauma for generations to come. Our lives are intricately woven with threads from the past, some of which may have been spun long before we were even born. The experiences, traumas, and coping mechanisms of our ancestors can subtly influence our beliefs, behaviours, and emotional responses. Often, we find ourselves stuck in patterns of thinking and acting that seem impossible to change. Much of this resistance to change stems from the fact that our minds are designed to seek comfort in the familiar. When we attempt to alter our habits or challenge long-held beliefs, our subconscious mind, which is heavily influenced by our past experiences, pushes back. This is a protective mechanism, intended to keep us safe from perceived threats, even if those threats are outdated or no longer relevant. From my own experience and that of my clients, I've seen how powerful these inherited patterns can be. For many, understanding that these feelings and behaviours may have deep roots—sometimes extending to previous generations—can be a revelation. It's as though we're carrying the emotional legacy of our ancestors without even realising it. Is it worth considering we are living history and we may look back and realise the mainstream ideas may not be as effective as we believe. The NHS Talking Therapies programme, which includes counselling, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and psychotherapy, has been shown to be effective for many individuals dealing with anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. According to the latest data, around 50% of people who completed their course of treatment through these services moved to recovery, meaning they were no longer considered to have clinical anxiety or depression by the end of their therapy. Note moved to recovery not resolved. CBT, which is one of the most commonly used therapies within the NHS, accounts for over 40% of all therapy courses and has a recovery rate of approximately 44.5%. While CBT focuses on addressing current issues by changing negative thought patterns and behaviours, it often does not delve into the deeper, underlying causes of these mental health issues, which may be rooted in past experiences. For those looking for a more profound and lasting change, hypnotherapy offers an alternative by accessing the subconscious mind to uncover and address these deep-rooted emotional drives. This approach can help individuals not only manage their symptoms but also resolve the underlying issues that contribute to their mental health struggles. Electroconvulsive Therapy, once a common treatment for severe mental health conditions, has seen a significant decline in use. This decline is largely due to advances in understanding the brain, the development of more effective and less invasive treatments, and the recognition of the potential negative side effects of ECT, such as memory loss and cognitive impairment. The landscape of mental health treatment has shifted towards a more holistic approach, one that takes into account the psychological, emotional, and social factors that contribute to mental wellbeing. This is a positive change, but it also highlights the importance of understanding the root causes of our mental health challenges. Simply treating the symptoms, as ECT often did, is no longer sufficient. Instead, there is a growing recognition of the need to address the underlying issues, many of which may be rooted in our past. You see we don't go from perfectly OK to suffering with our mental health it's a slow decline, and yes there is a spectrum, but in general in todays world ECT has been replaced with drugs and coping mechnisms, so has the world really changed? While modern methods of talking therapy often focus on managing symptoms and exploring surface-level thoughts and feelings, they sometimes fall short of addressing the deep-rooted emotional drives that influence our behaviours. These therapies can provide valuable insights and coping strategies, but they may not always reach the underlying causes of emotional distress, which are often buried in the subconscious mind. Hypnotherapy, by contrast, delves into these deeper layers of the mind, uncovering and addressing the core issues that drive our emotional responses. By accessing the subconscious, hypnotherapy can facilitate profound and lasting change, helping individuals to resolve the root causes of their struggles rather than simply managing the symptoms. In my journey of self-discovery, I've come to realise that understanding the past is not about dwelling on it, but rather about using it as a tool for change. When we recognise the origins of our beliefs and behaviours, we gain the power to rewrite the narrative. We can transform adversity into opportunity by reframing our experiences, shifting our perspective, and creating new, healthier patterns of thinking. This approach is not about blaming our ancestors or feeling burdened by their experiences. Instead, it's about acknowledging the impact of the past on our present and using that knowledge to shape a better future. By understanding how our minds work and the role of the past in shaping our present reality, we can make conscious choices to break free from negative patterns and create a life that aligns with our true desires and values.
What if we saw the beauty in everyones personal gifts - How would the world look and feel? In this blog I would like you to consider how the labels placed upon us define our path in life. With the increase in neurodivergence, has anything really changed when it comes to recognising peoples unique gifts or are we just creating new sociatal labels, which appear more acceptable? Are workplaces more inclusive or are we just polorising people by giving them a lable? What if we stripped away the label and saw the human how would that change our actions and behaviours? Who are you without a label, take if off and then define yourself? This question encourages a profound self-exploration, particularly for those navigating life with ADHD and other neurodiverse conditions, with an ever growing need to label difference, are we forgetting the beauty of diversity? Redefining Neurodiversity and Neurotypical: A Different Perspective Neurodiversity encompasses a range of differences, including ADHD, autism, dyslexia, and more, whilst Neurotypical refers to individuals whose neurological development and functioning are typical, aligning with what is considered the societal norm. Now it begs the question what is normal and as a society are we thriving? These labels of course are useful to understand each other but are typically labelled as "disorders," and in a world that seems more disordered than ever I think we need to look again at the way we label people, what if we challenge that narrative? Instead of viewing neurodiversity as a series of deficits, we can see it as a spectrum of unique perspectives and abilities. "Neurodiversity is not a defect. It’s a different way of thinking." The one thing we need in the world today is a different way of thinking This shift in perspective transforms perceived limitations into strengths. For example, individuals with ADHD often exhibit exceptional creativity, problem-solving skills, and resilience. These are not just compensations for a disorder but are superpowers that can lead to incredible achievements. The Power of Labels: Empowerment or Excuse? Labels can provide clarity and community, but they can also become crutches. Owning the label of ADHD or another neurodiverse condition can sometimes be an excuse to avoid action. However, it’s essential to move beyond the label and embrace the unique abilities it signifies. Questions for Reflection: Are you as a leader finding more people using neurodiversity as an excuse and why? What are my true passions and interests, beyond the roles and labels I identify with or others place upon me? How would I describe myself and my abilities if I couldn't use any labels or diagnoses? What unique strengths and perspectives do I bring to my relationships and work and why is that? How would I approach challenges differently if I viewed them through the lens of personal growth rather than limitations? What possibilities could open up if you focused on potential rather than conforming to societal expectations? How are you using your unique perspective to empower yourself and others? Are you embracing and loving who you truly are, or are you using your skills as an excuse to fit in? These questions encourage self-awareness and growth. It’s about recognising the incredible capabilities you possess and leveraging them to make a positive impact. Embracing Authenticity: Beyond Judgement, Shame, and Guilt The journey of self-acceptance involves overcoming judgment, shame, guilt, and the need for validation. Society often imposes standards that make neurodiverse individuals feel less than or different. However, embracing your true self means letting go of these external pressures, regardless of whether you define yourself as neurodiverse or neurotypical. "Your value is not determined by how well you fit into societal norms, but by how authentically you live your truth." Moving Forward: Action Steps Celebrate Your Strengths: Identify the unique skills and abilities that come with who you are. Write them down and reflect on how your unique skills can contribute to your personal and professional life – ditch the label. Make a shift: Challenge the narrative that labels give. Instead, view the world in a different way, let’s experiencing the world, with its own set of advantages. Seek Supportive Communities: Surround yourself with people who understand and appreciate you. Although therapy can give insights to your past and coaching can give you stratergies for the future, there are many people who have walked your path. Find someone who can help you navigate the world and teach you how to love your gifts, not love the label. Mentors can be a source of great knowledge and inspiration, more over they can instil confidence and empower you to move forward. Set Empowering Goals: Use your unique abilities to set and achieve goals that align with your passions and strengths. Focus on what you can do, rather than what you can't. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that everyone has challenges and that your worth is not diminished by them. Final Thoughts Reframing the labels society puts on us allows for a more empowering and inclusive approach. By embracing who you truly are, you can transform perceived limitations into incredible strengths. Remember, your unique perspective is not just valid—it’s invaluable. Who are you without a label? You are a person with unique abilities, a valuable perspective, and the potential to make a significant impact on the world. Embrace it, own it, and use it to empower yourself and others. Who do you know who needs to hear this and what do you need to ditch the label and step into your own unique brilliance? Share this post with someone who needs to step into their truth and if you need further support then feel free to book a free call to find out how I can help you ditch the label and turn adversity into oppotunity. Why not watch my Positive Mindset Webinar where I teach you the foundations of stepping into your trueself. Book NOW
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