The mask making industry of social media plays on our primitive mind and becomes the director and producer in the show that we act in willingly as we seek validation and likes.
So who was the masked character, what were my tells:
1. I always had to try to prove myself to others
2. I did this to project a different me, so people would not see the real me
3. I looked for validation, love me, like me, see me
4. I had to be heard – I guess I still do in some ways
5. When my voice was silenced my ego didn’t like it – Done some work there, but still more to do.
6. I would go from opinionated, to angry, to silent
7. When asked if I was ok – Don’t show weakness – “Ye I’m fine”!!
8. I would put others before myself, then got upset when the favour wasn’t returned
9. I wanted to be part of the action, whilst inside I just wanted to be left alone
10. I wanted connection, but didn’t know how to get it or who to trust
True anxiety comes when the construct of who you have become is so far from the person you are.
You know that voice, that inner child, the one who had the dreams, that person, that true consciousness.
That person, who if people knew your secret desires, would be laughed at, disconnected, so you keep that hidden, small, right?
That person who just wants to be a kid again and then figure all this stuff out later.
But here’s the kicker. All this confusion is happening subconsciously, you may see glimpses, but you bury it quickly, god knows you don’t want to be seen.
So even if you know truthfully you need help, the cycle of doubt spirals and the clouds descend keeping you locked in a cycle of fear, lies and a story that feels so real it’s like a living nightmare, but you embrace it because it’s all you know and the fear of change feels even scarier.
In my book Drowning in Anxiety, it’s titled such, because I felt like I was drowning and every now and again I would get the opportunity to gasp for air, but as I fought to stay above the water, the waves got higher, I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper in to the cold black water.
When thrown a life line I would simply say “I’m OK”.
This reminds me of the Will Smith film The Pursuit of Happiness, when the younger Jaden Smith tells a story of a man drowning and every time a boat passes he remarks:
“I am fine God will help me”.
Finally when the man meets his maker and asks:
“God why didn’t you help me”
God Replies:
"I sent you three boats you dummy”
How many times have those boats appeared and you have not seen the opportunity to stop drowning?
If you’ve ever had talking therapy and it’s not worked, the reasons is that when the anxiety, OCD, PTSD takes hold your not drowning in logic, your drowning in emotion.
Talking, taking time out gives you time to breath, someone has simply passed you a life preserver, but you’re still in the water.
This is why medication can help some people function. If you think of talking therapy as the life preserver, then the drugs are a dry suit, stopping the cold getting in.
Both methods can stabilise you enough to get back on dry land but what if you are way out at sea, with no land in sight, what then?
I’m not anti-cognitive therapy or anti-medication, they have their purpose and for many they allow people to recover. But we are human doings, not human beings and if we cannot climb out of the water, these therapies simply allow us to be in the water of life, maybe a little bit more comfortably than we were before, but we’re not riding the crest of the wave.
We are here to experience life, to take control and take action and if you are either in a cycle of fear or you’re emotionally numb, bobbing in life’s ocean, that’s not a nice experience, but many believe that is the only option, it’s familiar.
Our vision of help is countless sessions of therapy with the hope that at the end we will be free. We will manage to swim to safety.
Our vision of help is, stay where we are but at least we are stable.
Our vision of help is that we will be seen differently, if we try something new.
We believe people will say “Who’s the crazy person stuck in the ocean, the party of life is over here”
To which we reply “No I’m Fine”.
But the real reason why people with anxiety don’t want help is because the truth of the matter is, no one can help you.
Only you can help you and many people don’t want the responsibility of owning their story and changing it. You’ve got to swim through those shark infested, putrid waters to find the shore.
For some, they will wear their pain like a badge of honour connecting with others who share their pain, staying in a cycle of pity, creating a raft of connection in the ocean of their lives, fishing for sympathy and recognition.
They do this because the familiar is so familiar they cannot see anything else and for some the thought of change is so scary they would rather shut it out, hoping that someone will do it for them.
But for the gladiators, the unicorns the warriors, they realise that the feelings they are having are not bad, they are simply alarm bells telling them to transform from the sea to the shore, to construct a vessel in which to set sail for new shores.
To deconstruct their past and then construct and manifest their own ocean liner and sail into the sunset and find their paradise island.
The reason why these people are unicorns is because this transformation will make them vulnerable, they will be attacked, they will be judge, but they realise that with the right help, the storms will pass quickly and they will pass through raging seas, pass the pirates and eventually they will build their own version of paradise.
They don’t know how or when, but as they journey from port to port, gathering the tools, the shipmates and navigators that will help them, these unicorns and gladiators switch from the victims journey to the heroes journey.
The question is which journey are you on?
Are you floating in a sea of misery?
Are you creating a raft to stay buoyant where you are?
Or are you setting sail?
Or maybe you have just realised that you need a first mate, a ship builder, a deck hand, a crew, maybe you have just seen possibility. Maybe until now you didn’t realise there was a choice.
If you want to change journeys, what are you willing to sacrifice to live the life you really want, because you can’t be stationary and moving, it simply doesn’t work that way.
I believe everyone should lead a fulfilled and happy life and when you remove the destructive feelings you attach to the stories your tell yourself every day, take action, put faith over fear, in no time at all you turn impossible to I’m Possible.
I’m looking for new sailors who’s with me? Why not get in touch, the journey of abundance and freedom awaits
