The Hate Crime that is Peoples attitude to Mental Health

noreply • 25 March 2019

You Know You Have Done Wrong, Stop Making Excuses

If you look hard enough and actually really open your eyes and your ears, the masks that people wear to hide their insecurities can easily be seen, they can reveal themselves and this simple change in attitude will stop the hate crime that is poor mental health. 


But that means YOU need to recognise that people are different and difference can be hidden.

So what do I mean by that? 

Wellbeing isn't a process, it isn't a webpage, an app, it's not a service you go to when you are in crisis. 

It is an attitude towards something that is not tangible. It is everything we are and everything we do, it is not an outcome.

I will explain based on my own experience and prejudice towards me.

If I said to someone:

"You know you did wrong being gay, stop making excuses"

"Yes he is laid back, his family come from the Caribbean, that's how he is, what can you do"?

"She brought it on herself, no wonder she got raped"

"She's a women, she can't do it"

"Yes he's mentally ill, we can't employ him"

I would hope you are shocked,.

With mental ill health we treat the outcome instead of stopping it happening in the first place and even when someone does have a breakdown, we pity, we put our own insecurities into actions which often don't serve the person who needs help. In short we make it worse.

What you should be saying is "WHY DID I/WE ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN".

We stick a plaster over the problem and never fix the real issue, which is our attitude to each other. That is why I love being an RTT Therapist.

Mental wellness is not like a break or a cut, you can't put a plaster on it and it will get better. It is something which develops over years and we, ALL OF US , create hate crimes on our mental wellness everyday. 

These subconscious actions based on our own values, drive into people like small daggers and when we penetrate peoples mental wellness enough we start the chain that inevitably, if not stopped leads people to crisis and sometimes even death.

Every person in the world including myself impacts on peoples wellbeing and yesterday whilst at work a colleague opened my eyes to this subconscious action.

The breakdown which fueled my passion and led me to becoming a therapist and helping people transform there lives came from years of being told I was not enough and different.

The breakdown happened over years of little daggers attacking me from everyone I came into contact with, which I allowed to break my soul . This led to 2 mistakes which were in fact cries for help that no one dealt with until I broke.

The out come was to be placed on a disciplinary process, it was felt this was the best way to deal with it.

Yes I had a mental health breakdown and I was placed on a disciplinary process.

Now you may think that is out of order. But ask yourself this.

Why did the person act in such a way that we feel we need to discipline them?

The reason was because there mental well-being was affected, we use punishment to keep people in line.

Now I accept there needs to be boundaries and rules, but how we react is important, do we punish or do we listen, support and learn?

Didn't we used to segregate black minority people, did we not profit off slavery?

Did we not allow women to vote?

Would we accept that today?

No, not at all, so why do we still accept that it is OK to say to people "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID AND YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT YOUR PUNISHMENT".

Prior to the breakdown I was already broken, I wore my mask and I didn't even realise.

When you are so deep in crisis, when you are living in survival mode, the things that are obvious to others, the conscious logical thoughts people not in crisis have towards you, as you wear your mask of normality are cruel and hateful. 

So you continue to wear the mask as the battle between your subconscious mind and conscious mind goes on.

Look below and make your mind up which one wins?

Look at the image below and tell me are your attitudes towards people based on facts or emotion?

Look at the image below because without you knowing it, every experience you have had in life drills into your subconscious mind

Look at the image below and know every action you take which effects someones mental wellbeing is a hate crime, it's a dagger, it's the next step to that person having a breakdown, taking their own life. You did that, I have done that and you don't even know it.

Image result for battle subconscious and conscious mind


Yesterday I shouted at my son for leaving his stuff around, I placed a dagger in him, my words and my actions through my frustration did that to him.

My friend who told me I had to take responsibility for my actions and not blame my mental health was right, but at the time I did not consciously do what I did. I have had my career and life stopped momentarily because I was judged based on what a person with conscious thought I should have done.

Your mind has one job, to   keep you alive , so when you are going into crisis, that stage of permanent survival mode gets rid of logical thought, it expresses itself through emotion, through feelings, it floods your body with the primeval thoughts and actions to either fight, flight or freeze. 

The subconscious does not care about your happiness it believes you are still a caveman and does not conform to policy or procedure.

So as you can see every time you slag someone off, every time you judge someone, every time you tell a tale, every time you punish, you set a seed, you place a dagger in that person and you are committing a hate crime.

The reaction by the person you are hurting is to fix that mask tighter, because we need the tribe to survive, we need connection and when you single that person out and say you did something that doesn't conform to my logical thought, you commit a hate crime.

Your words are powerful so be mindful how you use them.

Good News

The good news is the same behavior can be used by changing your words and actions. 

By really seeing, listening and feeling you can help someone break the cycle of fear.

When something happens which you don't like - STOP

Ask yourself are my actions about to lift that person or punish them

Ask yourself do I have the skills to deal with this

Ask yourself what simple act of kindness can I do to help

Just using positive words, just having a positive attitude, smiling, even in the most difficult of situations can help a person, start to raise them out of survival mode and then they can seek help.

As the amazing Police Commander John Sutherland so beautifully says "EVERY CONTACT LEAVES A TRACE".

So if you are going to leave a trace make it positive or don't leave it at all.

Ask yourself are my actions a dagger towards someones downfall.

If you choose that remember you also suffer from that action.

So equally if you lift someone you lift yourself.

So don't commit a hate crime, be the hero to save a life

Image result for lift a persons day






by Marcus Matthews 18 November 2024
This video was from a Keynote talk on the 16th November 2024 at The Mecure Hotel Abbotswell Chester
Alterantive healthcare near me
by Marcus Matthews 14 October 2024
Why are clinical professionals unable to think outside their narrow remit - we need to balance the power
Why are men lonely
by Marcus Matthews 3 October 2024
Have you ever felt invisible, as if your love and light were too much for the world to handle? If you've struggled with loneliness, self-doubt, or feeling unappreciated, you're not alone. In this blog, I share my journey through these emotions, offering a message of hope and courage for those who have been to the darkest places. Together, let’s explore how embracing your light—even when it feels unseen—can lead to a deeper purpose. You are not alone.
The keys to better health
by Marcus Matthews 30 September 2024
We often don't realise how much our life is influenced by past generations. In this article I want to share why you may not feel your ready to make change but what is the impact on future generations - Todays decisions impact tomorrows results
Why am I addicted
by Marcus Matthews 16 September 2024
It's a Sunday evening and my Whats App pings a message from a Grandmother deperate to help her Granddaughter who is on a downward spiral due to a Ketamine addiction. A familar story as services stuggle to help people. In this blog I reveal the reason why she was addicted and why traditional methods don't always work
Suicide a mans perspective
by Marcus Matthews 2 September 2024
6 years ago this month my life took a dramatic turn and in this blog I want to explain from a mans perspective why we need to give men purpose
Mental Health needs to change
by Marcus Matthews 12 August 2024
The Power of Now: How the Present Shapes the Future and Why Understanding the Past Can Transform Today As I sat down for a Sunday meal with my family, surrounded by the familiar warmth of loved ones, I had no idea that a simple conversation would unlock a profound insight into my own wellbeing journey. The discussion veered into our family history, where I discovered that my Great Grandmother had suffered from severe mental health issues and was subjected to Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT). This revelation sparked a cascade of thoughts, leading me to reflect on how the past, even events from generations ago, shapes our present reality and how understanding this connection can empower us to change our future and how we can either change the course of history for good or we can continue that trauma for generations to come. Our lives are intricately woven with threads from the past, some of which may have been spun long before we were even born. The experiences, traumas, and coping mechanisms of our ancestors can subtly influence our beliefs, behaviours, and emotional responses. Often, we find ourselves stuck in patterns of thinking and acting that seem impossible to change. Much of this resistance to change stems from the fact that our minds are designed to seek comfort in the familiar. When we attempt to alter our habits or challenge long-held beliefs, our subconscious mind, which is heavily influenced by our past experiences, pushes back. This is a protective mechanism, intended to keep us safe from perceived threats, even if those threats are outdated or no longer relevant. From my own experience and that of my clients, I've seen how powerful these inherited patterns can be. For many, understanding that these feelings and behaviours may have deep roots—sometimes extending to previous generations—can be a revelation. It's as though we're carrying the emotional legacy of our ancestors without even realising it. Is it worth considering we are living history and we may look back and realise the mainstream ideas may not be as effective as we believe. The NHS Talking Therapies programme, which includes counselling, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and psychotherapy, has been shown to be effective for many individuals dealing with anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. According to the latest data, around 50% of people who completed their course of treatment through these services moved to recovery, meaning they were no longer considered to have clinical anxiety or depression by the end of their therapy. Note moved to recovery not resolved. CBT, which is one of the most commonly used therapies within the NHS, accounts for over 40% of all therapy courses and has a recovery rate of approximately 44.5%. While CBT focuses on addressing current issues by changing negative thought patterns and behaviours, it often does not delve into the deeper, underlying causes of these mental health issues, which may be rooted in past experiences. For those looking for a more profound and lasting change, hypnotherapy offers an alternative by accessing the subconscious mind to uncover and address these deep-rooted emotional drives. This approach can help individuals not only manage their symptoms but also resolve the underlying issues that contribute to their mental health struggles. Electroconvulsive Therapy, once a common treatment for severe mental health conditions, has seen a significant decline in use. This decline is largely due to advances in understanding the brain, the development of more effective and less invasive treatments, and the recognition of the potential negative side effects of ECT, such as memory loss and cognitive impairment. The landscape of mental health treatment has shifted towards a more holistic approach, one that takes into account the psychological, emotional, and social factors that contribute to mental wellbeing. This is a positive change, but it also highlights the importance of understanding the root causes of our mental health challenges. Simply treating the symptoms, as ECT often did, is no longer sufficient. Instead, there is a growing recognition of the need to address the underlying issues, many of which may be rooted in our past. You see we don't go from perfectly OK to suffering with our mental health it's a slow decline, and yes there is a spectrum, but in general in todays world ECT has been replaced with drugs and coping mechnisms, so has the world really changed? While modern methods of talking therapy often focus on managing symptoms and exploring surface-level thoughts and feelings, they sometimes fall short of addressing the deep-rooted emotional drives that influence our behaviours. These therapies can provide valuable insights and coping strategies, but they may not always reach the underlying causes of emotional distress, which are often buried in the subconscious mind. Hypnotherapy, by contrast, delves into these deeper layers of the mind, uncovering and addressing the core issues that drive our emotional responses. By accessing the subconscious, hypnotherapy can facilitate profound and lasting change, helping individuals to resolve the root causes of their struggles rather than simply managing the symptoms. In my journey of self-discovery, I've come to realise that understanding the past is not about dwelling on it, but rather about using it as a tool for change. When we recognise the origins of our beliefs and behaviours, we gain the power to rewrite the narrative. We can transform adversity into opportunity by reframing our experiences, shifting our perspective, and creating new, healthier patterns of thinking. This approach is not about blaming our ancestors or feeling burdened by their experiences. Instead, it's about acknowledging the impact of the past on our present and using that knowledge to shape a better future. By understanding how our minds work and the role of the past in shaping our present reality, we can make conscious choices to break free from negative patterns and create a life that aligns with our true desires and values.
Ditch the label
by Marcus Matthews 3 June 2024
What if we saw the beauty in everyones personal gifts - How would the world look and feel? In this blog I would like you to consider how the labels placed upon us define our path in life. With the increase in neurodivergence, has anything really changed when it comes to recognising peoples unique gifts or are we just creating new sociatal labels, which appear more acceptable? Are workplaces more inclusive or are we just polorising people by giving them a lable? What if we stripped away the label and saw the human how would that change our actions and behaviours? Who are you without a label, take if off and then define yourself? This question encourages a profound self-exploration, particularly for those navigating life with ADHD and other neurodiverse conditions, with an ever growing need to label difference, are we forgetting the beauty of diversity? Redefining Neurodiversity and Neurotypical: A Different Perspective Neurodiversity encompasses a range of differences, including ADHD, autism, dyslexia, and more, whilst Neurotypical refers to individuals whose neurological development and functioning are typical, aligning with what is considered the societal norm. Now it begs the question what is normal and as a society are we thriving? These labels of course are useful to understand each other but are typically labelled as "disorders," and in a world that seems more disordered than ever I think we need to look again at the way we label people, what if we challenge that narrative? Instead of viewing neurodiversity as a series of deficits, we can see it as a spectrum of unique perspectives and abilities. "Neurodiversity is not a defect. It’s a different way of thinking." The one thing we need in the world today is a different way of thinking This shift in perspective transforms perceived limitations into strengths. For example, individuals with ADHD often exhibit exceptional creativity, problem-solving skills, and resilience. These are not just compensations for a disorder but are superpowers that can lead to incredible achievements. The Power of Labels: Empowerment or Excuse? Labels can provide clarity and community, but they can also become crutches. Owning the label of ADHD or another neurodiverse condition can sometimes be an excuse to avoid action. However, it’s essential to move beyond the label and embrace the unique abilities it signifies. Questions for Reflection: Are you as a leader finding more people using neurodiversity as an excuse and why? What are my true passions and interests, beyond the roles and labels I identify with or others place upon me? How would I describe myself and my abilities if I couldn't use any labels or diagnoses? What unique strengths and perspectives do I bring to my relationships and work and why is that? How would I approach challenges differently if I viewed them through the lens of personal growth rather than limitations? What possibilities could open up if you focused on potential rather than conforming to societal expectations? How are you using your unique perspective to empower yourself and others? Are you embracing and loving who you truly are, or are you using your skills as an excuse to fit in? These questions encourage self-awareness and growth. It’s about recognising the incredible capabilities you possess and leveraging them to make a positive impact. Embracing Authenticity: Beyond Judgement, Shame, and Guilt The journey of self-acceptance involves overcoming judgment, shame, guilt, and the need for validation. Society often imposes standards that make neurodiverse individuals feel less than or different. However, embracing your true self means letting go of these external pressures, regardless of whether you define yourself as neurodiverse or neurotypical. "Your value is not determined by how well you fit into societal norms, but by how authentically you live your truth." Moving Forward: Action Steps Celebrate Your Strengths: Identify the unique skills and abilities that come with who you are. Write them down and reflect on how your unique skills can contribute to your personal and professional life – ditch the label. Make a shift: Challenge the narrative that labels give. Instead, view the world in a different way, let’s experiencing the world, with its own set of advantages. Seek Supportive Communities: Surround yourself with people who understand and appreciate you. Although therapy can give insights to your past and coaching can give you stratergies for the future, there are many people who have walked your path. Find someone who can help you navigate the world and teach you how to love your gifts, not love the label. Mentors can be a source of great knowledge and inspiration, more over they can instil confidence and empower you to move forward. Set Empowering Goals: Use your unique abilities to set and achieve goals that align with your passions and strengths. Focus on what you can do, rather than what you can't. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that everyone has challenges and that your worth is not diminished by them. Final Thoughts Reframing the labels society puts on us allows for a more empowering and inclusive approach. By embracing who you truly are, you can transform perceived limitations into incredible strengths. Remember, your unique perspective is not just valid—it’s invaluable. Who are you without a label? You are a person with unique abilities, a valuable perspective, and the potential to make a significant impact on the world. Embrace it, own it, and use it to empower yourself and others. Who do you know who needs to hear this and what do you need to ditch the label and step into your own unique brilliance? Share this post with someone who needs to step into their truth and if you need further support then feel free to book a free call to find out how I can help you ditch the label and turn adversity into oppotunity. Why not watch my Positive Mindset Webinar where I teach you the foundations of stepping into your trueself. Book NOW
Men need to be angry
by Marcus Matthews 17 April 2024
This may be a difficult read for some, but try to see men from a different angle and not through the lens of the femine.
Manifesting is it real
by Marcus Matthews 8 April 2024
What is Manifestation and Law of Attraction?
More posts
Share by: