I was faced with a choice in 2018, kill myself or kill the programming.
I had some help and that help would go on to become a profound and magical experience interwoven with lots of self work
Over the past four years I have really invested in my own personal development and that energy has not yet tipped to a point where I am living in true abundance, so why bother?
Two of the biggest blocks I am yet to overcome are my weight and money. The irony though is they are both linked.
For as long as I can remember I have never lived a life where I have felt financially stable and I have never really been slim, although I have a very different mindset, heart set and soul set on this now.
The biggest block I have had to overcome is investing in myself, financially yes, but also allowing myself to put myself first.
It is how we frame our experiences which allow us to continue the journey of self-mastery and that comes by using the bullshit you tell yourself as fuel. The goodness is in the dark not the light.
When I broke in 2018, I was forced to make some big decisions. Often we are forced to choose, rather than making an informed decision on resolving the challenges in our lives and the reason I didn’t get help before was always – I can’t afford it, and I don’t trust things can change.
That journey, which is still ongoing, has been one of pain, joy, disconnection, connection, self-doubt, self-awareness, self-love, lots of crying, frustration and moments of blissful joy, that I can’t even explain.
I know that will continue for the rest of my life and I have now chosen to accept that is part of the process of being human, to dive in to the fear and doubt, the work is not in the application, but the surrender to the process of belief.
I was faced with a choice in 2018, kill myself or kill the programming.
I had some help and that help would go on to become a profound and magical experience interwoven with lots of self work
Now I am facing a new challenge, alongside building my business and continuing to work on my relationship with money. This one is about weight, but the mind manifests what you believe, so my belief is that the weight around my business and money has manifested in weight in physical form.
I have noticed that when in lack, my body grows and when in abundance it feels slimmer, so it’s time for a new approach to see what happens.
Yes Universe I want to be seen but not like this
“The feeling that cannot find his expression in tears will cause other organs to weep.”
Marisa Peer
It is crucial to allow ourselves to feel our feelings instead of fighting them off and not processing them so I wanted to express how I am feeling.
When we start something new, where we feel out of control, the mind will always hijack us, this blog isn’t just for you the reader, it’s for me.
To hold myself accountable for what is coming.
I haven’t a clue how to resolve the issue of my weight and I am handing myself over to a coach, who I don‘t really know, I don’t know their results, all I do know is I need to resolve this major barrier.
After visiting the Mindvalley Super Coach event and listening to 10X creators Lorenzo Delano and Ronan Oliveira I knew it was now or never.
When I say I know, I want to be clear, to know is not logical, to know is to feel it’s the right thing, even if your mind is telling you to stop, to know, is putting faith over fear, accepting that it may not work but doing it anyway.
10X is a program which uses a lot of science, which intrigues me and being a geek, it all makes sense logically, but is it available to me?
10X is a program by Mindvalley and my journey started with Mindvalley and Marisa Peer back in 2018 and the results and experiences I have had since have been profound, so although I know there is no magic bullet, this feels right because I trust the source.
"Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher" Oprah Winfrey
Whilst in Tallin I noticed so much abundance, beauty and love and no one judged me, I felt connected for the first time in a long time. The people I met looked great, they were smart but more importantly people came to find me to tell me how much value my questions and input, during the 4 months many of us had worked together, helped them, but I felt massive shame at the same time, I felt guilt and anger in myself.
Inside I know who I am but the outside did not reflect that, I wasn’t comparing myself with others, in fact previously I got really pissed off with these slim, good looking, wealthy people sharing their stories and me saying, “it’s ok for you, you were a CEO, you were in a position where you have money and authority, a position of power. You went to university which opened opportunity”.
I know this is all bullshit, but it didn’t make it feel any better.
In that moment though as the bliss and anger collided, it hit me like a train.
"You can have this , because no one is judging you, you are judging you and you are worthy of the money, the great body and a healthy and abundant life".
This was a feeling I had not felt in a long time and I am so grateful for it.
I watched the amazing coaches on stage in Tallin and for the first time I didn’t feel they were above me, in fact besides the fact they looked good, the words they were speaking were my words, my thoughts, my realisations, I could have easily walked on stage and given the same presentation
but……….
A voice in my head said, "the inside of the shop is great but the outside is lacking", no one will take you seriously!!!!
Fuck You!!!!
It was actually Vishen Lakhiani’s talk on style which surprised me the most.
I am smiling now because those same words came into my head as Vishen spoke
“It’s alright for you to talk about style coaches you can afford it”
But when he spoke about what style is and that we are visual creatures and to deny ourselves style is to deny the world of our presence something clicked.
Clearly my ego was also saying
“You do know this is a sales pitch right?”, but deep down the universe was saying
“You have been avoiding this next journey for years so it’s time”.
Remember the question you asked me
“How can I be seen for my value and skill – this is how”.
My thought was:
“Fuck you Vishen and the Universe – but I know you are right”
Ego, pride and stubbornness, take a back seat, this could get messy.
Often we ask for a sign or the answers to a question, but rarely act when the sign or answer appears, the mind loves what is familiar and that is why we all stay stuck.
As a coach I can help others with this, but when it comes to your own shit it is different right?
This is why I had to invent by own shit removal system which I now use with my clients.
Every time I hit a block I run the block through my F.A.C.T.S to abundance system.
I had used this 4 months ago when I signed up for the Mindvalley Certified Coach program, I didn't need a qualification I needed connection to raise my vibration, so I maxed my credit card out again - Don't tell my wife!!!!
The F.A.C.T.S to Abundance
Let me explain my own process to stepping into this new era of my life and why I decided to now commit to my health.
I have used this for many years with my clients and it is the method I created for a situation called Stepping out of the Valley. The moment when you realise you have slipped into an abyss and whilst everyone at the top of the valley is telling you what to do, no one is actually coming down to save you.
What is abundance?
Abundance isn’t about money or stuff, abundance isn’t about perfection.
Abundance for me is the feeling of purpose, connection and self-love and the journey to abundance is a lot more about giving away than it is gaining.
But you don't know what you don't know, so how can you feel what you have never felt?
Stepping into Fear
The F stands for Fear and fear is a simple construct of the mind. Your mind is there to keep you alive and connects to what is familiar and hates the unfamiliar, so as I start this journey, which I have attempted so many times with limited success, what am I telling myself?
I don’t believe I can do this
I don’t want to weigh my food, go for a walk everyday
I don’t want to go to the gym
I don’t want………
We automatically go to the negative, the worst case.
I don’t want to spend money – Why?
We want the result before we invest – so we sit in a cycle of fear and freeze.
Cortisol washes through our body and we fight the process, we run away and make excuses and then freeze, some more.
We are built this way, so you are not alone, it's our biological process to stop us being killed.
What is the antidote the Fear?
Connection – Connection is what we need, to feel safe.
I reached out to find a coach to help me, I resisted getting a coach and mentor for years, simply because in the past so many people I trusted for advice let me down, but what I found was the right coach can change your life in a moment.
The right coach though isn’t the one with the flashy website, with what appears to be the perfect life, the right coach is the one you feel can help you, so it all starts with a conversation.
With fear under control the next step is Action, the second letter in the F.A.C.T.S to abundance
Action means setting the first intention, in my case, reaching out, asking a question and starting a conversation.
Once I had the information and I felt the person wasn’t trying to sell to me and they came from a place of authenticity I was then ready to look at my options.
What am I choosing to accept in my life?
Choice - The third letter of F.A.C.T.S
Choosing
– What were my choices, step into fear not knowing the outcome and doing it anyway or choosing to do nothing and accept my life, my physic, my health, my thoughts and feelings around the way I looked.
When I spoke to my 10X coach we had a vulnerable conversation and we came to an agreement and a plan, so although the doubt and fear still remains, I felt connected and felt possibility.
Staying where I am is no longer a choice.
This is why the F.A.C.T.S require Trust.
Yes trusting in the person you are working with but actually trusting yourself, becoming responsible for the process, playing your part.
Belief in yourself will create a vibration, that sends a clear message out to the universe that you are ready.
Trust the universe has your back
How do you know if you will survive the fall if you don't jump?
F.A.C.T.Stepping out into possibility
Then we take the last part, which for many is the hardest bit – It all makes sense, but the S is Stepping forward, doing the work, being accountable.
After starting the onboarding process I was so aware of the resistance and excuses that started to come out. My subconscious mind telling me
“Don’t do this we are going to die”.
Subconsciously of course.
Luckily, I have done enough inner work to put my mind in its place because my heart, the love for myself, my family and for all those people stuck in fear that I help, is greater than any doubt.
It’s been a four-year journey of failing a lot and succeeding a little to allow me to trust the process, but we all have to start at some point right.
We really don't fear the jump, we fear the fall and that is why having a coach, mentor or therapist is your safety net.
They are not there to fly the plane, they are there to help you learn how to fly the plane, so you can create your own adventures.
But doing it alone is hard - We are Tribal
As humans we are hardwired for connection, but in a connected world the challenge is connecting with someone who will give you energy, not take it away.
The fear of investing in yourself, is about balance and as humans we prefer to take without giving and the world has never been so fearful, the world and the narrative has never been so hostile, but you create your feelings, you are powerful, you are enough.
Just find the people who truly care, want to help you and ensure a fair exchange of energy.
NOW WHAT?
Let me end this with a few questions:
What do you fear and why?
What is stopping you taking action and why?
What are you choosing and why?
What do you need to build trust in yourself and others and why?
What is stopping you and why?
These are the question I always ask, but often I can't do it alone ..... is it worth putting faith over fear?
The only question that anyone needs to answer is this .....
Why do I feel the way I do?
That answer lies in the subconscious mind and although I am on a new journey, the road I have travelled so far has allowed me to find the answers to my own why’s but also that of my clients, to help them step into possibility and their own greatness.
Fear, anxiety, hopelessness are the answers to your question, not the barrier to your greatness and that is what I help people discover.
If you found this article useful, then please share because there maybe someone who needs help and they may need to find someone they can connect with so they can find the possibility in themselves once more.